Self-Care Practices (No Bubble Baths)

Let’s get something straight. Bubble baths are not self-care. Taking 5 minutes to cleanse and moisturize your face isn’t self-care. Shaving your legs isn’t self-care. That is maintenance. There is a huge conversation happening in our culture right now about self-care and taking time for yourself first before you can offer anything to others. And while I am in huge support of this, I think the narrative doesn’t quite have it right. In a world where women are traditionally the caregivers of the family, giving all they have and then some, and taking a few minutes at the end of the night to read, relax or manage our cuticles, that’s what is incorrectly labeled as “self-care.” The basics of hygiene and personal maintenance got labeled as self-care instead of being called what it actually is. Taking showers, getting hair cuts, applying sunscreen should be what we all do to take care of ourselves. It isn’t an indulgence or a splurge to feel guilty of when we opt to participate.

So how do we discern what is just the basics from actual self-care? The mark of excellent self-care is a peaceful mind and a healthy body. It goes deep and there are some key things you can do to ensure balance in your mind and body.

Communication and Support

Communicate with your partner. Sometimes when I talk to people about their goals, they tell me that they are frustrated with the lack of support at home.

Me: So how did Mitch take it when you told him you wanted to add a coffee bar to the bakery?

Her: He told me it’d be too expensive.

Me: How did you respond?

Her: Well, I was upset, but I guess he’s right. Maybe the timing isn’t right.

I find time and time again, a deep conversation into the why behind the vision in the first place never came up. And there is a giant extra-helping scoop of assumption on the partner’s response, too. I’ve learned from personal experience that push back is not always meant as the kibosh to a train of thought. Sometimes it is merely a way to protect a loved one from pain or bad luck. I’m not a counselor and I can’t force someone to reopen a conversation, but if I could this is the advice I’d share: start with the vision. Start with the why. As Tony Robbins has famously said, “Why comes first. How comes second.” When you start there, it shows your partner the importance of the project.

A good partner wants to support you, they want you to achieve your goals and be happy. Sharing a dream opens up a whole new opportunity for your partner to show up for you like never before. Having freedom and support is something you can do for your mental health.

Healthy Practices for your Body

Ask your body what it needs and listen. Whether it is a lower back and hamstring stretch, a full glass of water, or a quiet walk, if you simply ask yourself what you need and then in quiet stillness wait, your body will let you know. In that moment, that is the most powerful thing you can do. If you’re new to this practice, it might seem weird to “ask your body what it wants,” but give it real try. You will become in tune with the rhythms and needs of your body the more you do it.

The best part is, it doesn’t necessarily have to take a whole morning (but if that’s what you’d like to do, have at it, sister!) It takes a few minutes to stretch, the length of a Netflix commercial to grab a glass of water, and you could spend longer in your inbox than it would take to walk around the neighborhood. We are all used to seeking answers anywhere and everywhere else besides ourselves. We want validation, the “right” move, we don’t want to make mistakes. But when it comes to our own physical well-being, we have much more power over it than we think.

In this season of your life, set the standard for yourself, wherever that baseline needs to be. Let’s not make basic care “self-care,” but instead find the practices, conversations, and habits that will lead us to peace and health.